Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
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