I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
