I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
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