who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
