So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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