Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
