you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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