I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I just googled if crying burns calories
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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