I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Randomize
