Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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