So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
