I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
