I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
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