i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
