I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
Randomize
