"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
