You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
