Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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