i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God, you're like boner-b-gone
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize