We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
So gin and wine won't be happening again
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
where are you?
Hypothermia
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
