I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
