At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
