Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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