We're like a lot better than the average bears
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Can I color on your dick again?
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
