I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
