like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I wish there were birth control emojis
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
