the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
