I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
