Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
