in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
Randomize
