Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Randomize
