Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
