hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
