your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
