I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I just gift wrapped bread.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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