Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I am midnight drunk by noon
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
Randomize
