I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
