Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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