dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
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