Quick, to the slutcave!
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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