Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
