We named our party play list daddy issues
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
