Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
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