So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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