that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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