So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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