Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
