do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
We named our party play list daddy issues
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
