so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
