The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Randomize
