Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
