Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
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