Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
