My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
