I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
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