You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
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