i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
