i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
