Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
