I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
Randomize
