i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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