He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
