He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Randomize
