eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Randomize
