I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
