i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
