I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
