Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
