So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
