And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
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I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
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Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I lost the right to judge tonight
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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