your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
